From my email;
California:
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.
1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.
7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.
9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.
TEXAS :
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.
And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
Ha ha ha. I knew exactly what the Texas reaction would be before I read it. I went to Dallas, Texas last year. First time ever in Texas and I LOVED IT!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to go back.
California is a hopeless case. However, due to its size and political leaning, we all will have to sustain her life support. It's not new, she's been using water and electricity from everywhere else for decades. Their sole virtuous use of water is the central valley agricultural zone, which California by-passes with the water it actually has in favor of political paragons like Los Angeles....where nothing is real and everybody is acting ... e.g., faking it. These days (daze) the Californicators will build a high speed rail, with a lot of federal money, directly and indirectly (from the other life support $$) likely from no where to no where, no matter what you think you hear about them not doing so. There really is a lot good about California, but the piss poor to shit awful over rides it.
ReplyDeleteMy idea of the perfect revenge for the Californians who advocate we all owe them is that Mayor Bloomberg, emperor of NYC, move there and become their next governor...for life if possible.
Don't even get me started on water issues in the Central Valley. When I was growing up, my Pop's farm produced an assload of produce every year. Even when my Pop "retired", he still had a plum orchard (prune-plums, not plum-plums) and livestock that required irrigation for growing grass to feed.
DeleteNow... it's desert. The enormous amounts of food that used to be grown in central CA are disappearing. Even the grapes are going. I grew up surrounded by orange groves (nothing smells better than orange blossoms - NOTHING. And I was never allergic to them, unlike whatever has been trying to kill me in NoVa the last seven weeks), those were replaced by grapes and olives. The olive trees have now been plowed under as well.
It's disgusting. A place that had been fairly self sufficient as far as finding work for people (farms ALWAYS need someone to do something) has become the center of unemployment. What can you do in a desert?
*spit*
That's just sad and depressing, afw.
DeleteI wish I could have smelled those orange trees.