Dispatches From The Department - 1

Hello, old friends! It took me longer than expected to get settled back into life here in America, but I thought I would celebrate by inaugurating a new feature: Dispatches From the Department. This series will bring you snippets of life inside the foreign policy agency of the world's superpower! Take it away!

[Scene: On a Department shuttle bus. Behind me, two Foreign Service Officers are speaking, loudly]

FSO One: Well, I need to get my papers in to the Expedited Citizenship office right away too. I was supposed to get this packet in before Christmas and now it's the end of January. Well, I suppose we have time.

[NOTE: "Expedited Citizenship" is the process by which the spouses of U.S. diplomats acquire U.S. citizenship fairly quickly]

FSO Two: Yeah, they work pretty quick. We're still not decided on which way to go.

FSO One: Really? What's the issue?

FSO Two: Well, my wife is Guatemalan, and, you know, the anti-American thing is reallly in their genes. [Nervous Laugh] It's bad enough that she's married to an American, but then to become a citizen too, that may be too much for her.

FSO One: I see.

FSO Two: But, you know, I told her, whichever way she wants to go, I'll support her. I'm supportive.

Despite this obvious provocation, I refrained from killing FSO Two.

It's my New Year's resolution to lighten up, in action.