Last night I had an unusually vivid dream, the type that happen infrequently, that seem so real that the few times I've had them I've had to spend time in the morning re-adjusting to reality. In this dream, I was divorced from my wife of 16 years and was responding to a British girl's question about what had gone wrong with my marriage. While I was badly explaining the painful experience, Ambassador Robert Smith (not his real name), who in real life I had worked with in Europe, walked on a sidewalk behind the girl, across a street.
I awoke profoundly shaken and moved by this strikingly powerful dream.
Today, at around 11am, in the cafeteria of the National Foreign Affairs Training Center, two things of note happened:
1) My wife informed me of her intention to leave me, to return to California; and
2) Ambassador Robert Smith, currently posted in Europe, walked in the corridor behind her.
I'm not an especially mystical person, but this was unreal to the point where all I can say is that I somehow had a premonition.
I'll be okay. While her news was unexpected, we've had serious trouble when the children were babies and I think my time in Pakistan convinced her that it was time to be her own woman once again. I'm profoundly sad, but am hopeful of the future.
I awoke profoundly shaken and moved by this strikingly powerful dream.
Today, at around 11am, in the cafeteria of the National Foreign Affairs Training Center, two things of note happened:
1) My wife informed me of her intention to leave me, to return to California; and
2) Ambassador Robert Smith, currently posted in Europe, walked in the corridor behind her.
I'm not an especially mystical person, but this was unreal to the point where all I can say is that I somehow had a premonition.
I'll be okay. While her news was unexpected, we've had serious trouble when the children were babies and I think my time in Pakistan convinced her that it was time to be her own woman once again. I'm profoundly sad, but am hopeful of the future.
Jourdan, I'm saddened by your troubles. I pray that you and your wife find peace and happiness traveling down separate roads, and continue to share the joy of your children. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.
ReplyDeleteI believe in premonitions. I've had a few myself, and have learned to heed them.
Jourdan, I too am sorry for your problems. Hope that find a way to live comfortably, and even happily (in time) in your new world
ReplyDeleteJourdan, I hope all goes well and that your children are OK with it.
ReplyDeleteI am not too sure about premonitions, as in ESP or anything like that. I think many times it is the human mind's amazing way of subconsciously analyzing information it perceives.
Jourdan - I'm so sorry to hear this...
ReplyDeleteYou will always be a father. And a lucky one at that, your children are so wonderful.
“We stand in awe before that which cannot be seen. We respect with every fiber of our being that which cannot be explained.” - Rukya Kuchki, Bleach.
Sorry to hear your news Jourdan. Wishing for you and your wife and your boys some semblance of normality and inner peace.
ReplyDeleteJourdan...of course I am sorry to hear this news. However, I am profoundly grateful to the few like you who are willing to go out and represent the USA in a positive way. I will never suggest your choice to return to FSO status was a bad one...we need men and women like you. You are one of the few Internet acquaintances I have that I believe really does understand how the world works, how cultures meld, when they can, and do what I'd hope I would do in your place.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, I left my wife for very different reasons, but remained in very close contact with my daughter...to this very day. It can be done...don't listen to nay-sayers who suggest otherwise. Just do what you believe is right and you will be fine. It is right that you are an FSO...we need more of you, not less.
MattM .... you are correct that "premontion" is the mind analyzing, and it leads to "gut instincts" which are usually right on the money in my experience...not that my experience is clinical....but it has n-e-v-e-r failed me. I am alive because it it...I knew when to duck so to speak. Even today I can sense when I am entering a dangerous zone...not to panic but to be aware. Even sentient animals like dogs utilize it...it is a survival mechanism.
ReplyDeleteI wish Jourdan nothing but the best for the reasons I stated above...courage takes many forms. Doing what you believe in and love is one of them. He goes to places I'd rather not tread. Once offered a high paying job (General Dynamics) in KSA I turned it down...just couldn't go there, do that. That was weakness on my part. I hope I made up for it later.
For example, courage like the news cinematographer who walked arms up in the air toward the BLM armed officers asking if they really were going to shoot people. He walked right up to them in the face of directions to not do so. No shots fired...but his guts are indisputable.
He mentioned on air that his wife was not speaking to him currently. Maybe a joke, maybe not.
I'm so sorry to hear this sad news, Jourdan. Is there a chance of reconciliation? I know how close you are to your kids and hope you can maintain your relationship with them.
ReplyDeleteI second what Aridog said about you representing our country. I truly can't BEAR to watch the idiotic state dept. spokespeople. Please know that some of us are very grateful for your sacrifices. God Speed.